Proactive Parenting October 13, 2008

We can’t be absentee parents. We need to get off the snide and strive to know who our kids are. We need to communicate with them. Keep a finger on the pulse of what they’re up to in life. Anticipate what they’re doing and what they might be getting themselves into. We need to know what our children are thinking. And the best way to do this is to ask them: What are you thinking?

Find out what our kids’ likes and dislikes are. Set them up to succeed. Our kids want to do what’s right. They just have a tough time figuring out what that is sometimes. That’s why it’s up to us to teach them right from wrong, and to be patient with our lessons. They will continue to dictate our joys and frustrations. And if our kids are living happy, healthy lives, we can rest assured that we will too. That’s why we’ve got to take the time to deal with them. Play into their likes in a positive and constructive way. Work with them in planning their daily schedules.

One great way to do this is to get a week at a glance planner and help them set up what they’re going to do. Kids love this. It gives them a chance to participate in setting up their schedules, and it teaches them how to manage their time in a positive and constructive manner. Everyone likes to be able to plan his or her life, and it helps to avoid unpleasant surprises. It also gives both parent and child a point of reference to communicate from.

Sit down and go over their week’s schedule with them on Sunday nights. And then each night thereafter make sure both parent and child knows what’s in store for the next day. This allows both parties to prepare for and to put positive energies into accomplishing important goals for each day of their lives. When the child is old enough, and he’s proven himself responsible and worthy, allow him to have a bigger role in creating his schedule. But the bottom line is we’re the bosses, because we know what’s right. And we have to make sure they understand this in a loving and constructive way.

 

The Couch Potato Parent September 3, 2008

There is more and more talk amongst parents about spending quality time with their kids. However, some parents believe that an hour of quality time is sufficient and that nothing more needs to be done. If the hour was a productive one such as going out to eat, watching TV. together, or going to the movies, parents seem to be satisfied with that. However, quality time involves more than just an hour a day because an hour is a relatively short period of time and doesn’t allow for in depth bonding.

It is that bonding that makes spending quality time with the kids important. It is a time where the parent can show their child things, do fun activities together, and even teach their children values. When a child is not getting to spend time with their parents, they are constantly getting mixed signals regarding right and wrong. What the babysitter may consider to be right might be considered wrong by mom and dad, so the child may feel like they are constantly getting in trouble with their parents when they are all together.

However, quality time isn’t just to do things such as going to the park or going to the movies. Sure, that is a lot of fun and kids will love you for it, but quality time is comprised of so much more than impressing the kids with fun things to do. It is an unfortunate fact that some parents are so into making up the time that is lost throughout the week by doing huge fun things like going to an amusement park, that they forget about things such as school work and other important things. A dad that brags about spending quality time with his kids by taking them to Disney World one day may not know how the kids are doing in school. That is why quality time should also consist of helping the kids with their school work.

By setting aside a time in which you can be available while the kids do homework can mean so much to them. If they have a question and you can be proactive in helping them find the answer, they will feel so great when they see the answer before their eyes. It is such a great feeling to be struggling and mom and dad help find the solution rather than give the answer. This teaches problem-solving skills which are skills that parents should instill in their children.

Something else that parents should avoid is being peers instead of parents. Many parents are concerned with being their children’s best friend. Sure, that can be a great feeling when your child feels like you’re the greatest thing in the world, but it is important to maintain that parenting role even when hanging out with the kids. It keeps that degree of respect that needs to be there.

As for parents looking for a way to spend time with the kids, there are creative ways in which it can be done. First of all, write down your schedule and see if there is any way to make modifications to it. If there is, try to set aside the same times every single week in order to create a routine with the family. This is a great way to make sure no one else in the family schedules other activities during these times. If one of the children’s friends asks, “want to come over Thursday after school?” Your child can let them know they can’t because it is family night. There are many ways in which a parent can spend time with their kids. All it takes is a few modifications and some great ideas.