Terrible Twos September 14, 2008

If your child is approaching the age of two, your life is about to change dramatically. I know, your life already has changed dramatically, but you’re about to enter a whole new level of, well, frustration and despair. Luckily, the difficulties only last for about two years………..sigh. Well, to help you out, let me give you some tips about living with your two year old.

First – you need to understand that toddlers have no impulse control. This is a critical piece of information, and you will need to chant it to yourself several times a day. Even when a toddler knows what she’s doing is wrong, and knows she’s going to get into trouble for it, she can’t help it. She just has to do it. So, don’t think your child is incapable of being trained when she gets into the toilet paper for the tenth time today. The best advice is just put the stuff away. And, don’t punish her too harshly. At this age, making punishment harsher for subsequent offenses isn’t helpful. The same time out routine each time will have more effect, though you must understand me when I say this – nothing except growing older will have much effect on a two year old.

Secondly, if you live with a two year old, don’t try to do anything in a hurry. Gone, at least for a while, are the days when you can “run to the grocery store”. At this age everything takes a long time, and you should just get used to it. Trying to hurry them along only creates frustration for both of you. Let them try to get in and out of the car themselves. Let them pick exactly which grocery cart you’ll use. It’s good for their development and it helps keep peace.

Thirdly, pick your battles. Don’t allow anything that’s unsafe, but don’t try to control how and when everything gets done. If she wants to wear the purple plaid pants with the yellow striped top, some days you just need to let her do it. One way to minimize the battles is to give your child some choices up front, but not too many. For instance, pick out two appropriate outfits for the day, and then let her choose between them.

Finally, enjoy this age. As difficult as two year olds can be (oh, and three year olds can be just as bad), they are also simply magical to watch. They learn something new every day. They’re excited and amazed by the simplest things, like blowing bubbles and getting a sticker. They’re a wonderful combination of baby and child, and they’ll never be this age again. Thank God.

 

Coping With Toddlyertoynitis August 28, 2008

Your baby rolls over and reaches for a toy – suddenly you realize that your baby will start to play with some of the presents which he or she was given at birth. It is all very exciting, you get a toy box for the corner of the room and at the end of play you put it all away. So easy!

Suddenly your toddler has more toys than a toy shop, they all seem to have a thousand pieces and the thought of putting them away has become a horrifying nightmare. Every book and every professional nanny will tell you that the way forward is to get your child to do ‘tidy up time’. Tidy up time is great – when it works you feel that you both deserve a reward and suddenly you can see how parenting should work – unfortunately you have a couple of bad days where things end up in the wrong boxes, then all of a sudden you realize that nothing has a proper home anymore, it all just gets put away so it is out of sight! On close inspection you realize that there are cars in every box and drawer, the train track which you used to so lovingly put away is missing a handful of pieces ….

Now you have several options, you could diligently go through them all, sort them out and then try to get tidy up time to become more efficient. In the mean time it will be down to you to try to keep all the relevant toy pieces together.

You could be firm and go through the toys, work out which ones are now too young for your toddler and pass them onto a child of a more suitable age.

There is a third way, this is one of the hidden secrets of parenting, it allows you to succeed at tidy up time; to keep the toys in order, and to be able to see the floor if you have unexpected guests, also you can keep the toys so they can be used by a younger sibling.

It’s easy, you find a space where you child cannot go without you; a room where they cannot open the door or a cupboard they cannot open. Inside here you carefully arrange the toys in boxes. You need to leave something accessible, a general toy box full of the bits and pieces of toys which don’t have a home anywhere else, and another toy which you will need to choose quiet carefully. The second toy needs to be something that several children can play with in case you have children to visit and you have not planned anything. It also needs to be a toy which your child will not get bored of too quickly, perhaps a box of Lego, or stickle bricks, something with lots of different applications. Now comes the important part – if your child wants to play with any of the toys in the cupboard then you just have to make sure that the toys from the general box and the other toy have been put away before the special toy comes out of the cupboard. The good bit about this is that you should never have more than two toys boxes worth to clear away, even if tidy up time at the end of the day completely fails.

Don’t get stressed about the chaos of a toddler, just get a bit tough and you will all find life a lot easier, and you will suddenly discover how much more space you have created for your child to play in.