Terrible Twos September 14, 2008

If your child is approaching the age of two, your life is about to change dramatically. I know, your life already has changed dramatically, but you’re about to enter a whole new level of, well, frustration and despair. Luckily, the difficulties only last for about two years………..sigh. Well, to help you out, let me give you some tips about living with your two year old.

First – you need to understand that toddlers have no impulse control. This is a critical piece of information, and you will need to chant it to yourself several times a day. Even when a toddler knows what she’s doing is wrong, and knows she’s going to get into trouble for it, she can’t help it. She just has to do it. So, don’t think your child is incapable of being trained when she gets into the toilet paper for the tenth time today. The best advice is just put the stuff away. And, don’t punish her too harshly. At this age, making punishment harsher for subsequent offenses isn’t helpful. The same time out routine each time will have more effect, though you must understand me when I say this – nothing except growing older will have much effect on a two year old.

Secondly, if you live with a two year old, don’t try to do anything in a hurry. Gone, at least for a while, are the days when you can “run to the grocery store”. At this age everything takes a long time, and you should just get used to it. Trying to hurry them along only creates frustration for both of you. Let them try to get in and out of the car themselves. Let them pick exactly which grocery cart you’ll use. It’s good for their development and it helps keep peace.

Thirdly, pick your battles. Don’t allow anything that’s unsafe, but don’t try to control how and when everything gets done. If she wants to wear the purple plaid pants with the yellow striped top, some days you just need to let her do it. One way to minimize the battles is to give your child some choices up front, but not too many. For instance, pick out two appropriate outfits for the day, and then let her choose between them.

Finally, enjoy this age. As difficult as two year olds can be (oh, and three year olds can be just as bad), they are also simply magical to watch. They learn something new every day. They’re excited and amazed by the simplest things, like blowing bubbles and getting a sticker. They’re a wonderful combination of baby and child, and they’ll never be this age again. Thank God.

 

Coping With Young Children’s Social Phobias August 31, 2008

Social phobia has a tendency to begin during adolescence, but can develop much earlier. The onset of social phobia during one’s formative years can have a devastating effect on their social development. If left unchecked it can lead to serious psychological problems in later life, maladjustment, agoraphobia, depression and even suicide.

The symptoms of excessive shyness and acute self-consciousness are relatively easy to spot:

If the child speaks very softly and says very little or if they shy away from eye contact;

If they often cry or throw tantrums;.

If they are unwilling to participate in classroom activities;

If they feign illness in order to avoid having to go to school;

If they are constantly alone in the playground, not joining in, or if they spend a lot of time alone in their room, there is a strong possibility that they have social phobia.

It is important not to disregard a child’s anxiety by simply telling them they’ll grow out of it. Fortunately there are many positive things parents, teachers and family members can do to encourage a socially anxious child. The most important thing is to gently encourage them to confront their feared situations a little bit at a time, never pushing them too hard.

Parents can share with their child examples of times when they have felt anxious in social situations. This way the child will feel supported and know that they are not alone in feeling the way they do. Also parents can make a conscious effort to nurture their child’s self esteem, paying them compliments and being openly affectionate.

It is important for teachers to be mindful of not doing anything to embarrass or humiliate a child and to insist on a humiliation-free environment in the classroom. They can encourage a friendship between a shy child and more outgoing child. Also they might reward any small step a socially anxious child makes to be more outgoing or participatory in class, later gradually requiring the child to do more to earn the reward.