Victimization and the Mind February 11, 2009

We’ve all played the victim at one time or another in our lives, and if done too much it can become habit forming. When growing up, we experienced victimization with our parents, our teachers, and our government. Then as adults, we had kids, and we become victims to their ill emotions and verbal abuse. We tell them how much they hurt us. We cry in front of them. And we create the child victim. Our children then become the victims to their parents. They become the victim at school and on the streets. It’s a vicious cycle that needs to be broken.

Sometimes it takes our stepping back and looking deeply into ourselves to see if we’re still playing the victim in our household. If we’re always acting like we’re hurt, we need to change it. If our parents played the roles with us, we need to recognize this, and reverse the pattern. We don’t want to turn our children into society’s victims. Victims end up in prison, the morgue, and worse. Crying wolf too many times.

 

Tipping For Cheapskates and Coupon Lovers February 10, 2009

It’s amazing how divided people are when it comes to tipping; and then dealing with tipping and coupons!   It’s even stranger behavior that they don’t mind lavishly ordering what they want to eat and drink, and pay for it – yet when it comes to tipping for service, this becomes somewhat of an emotional disorder.     Why?   People are always quibbling over what the correct percentage is.   If   you keep in mind though that there are restaurants that automatically add gratuity if you have a large party.  FYI, a large party is usually considered 8 or more guests, at one table or dining together (that’s how it’s calculated).

 

Sample Tipping Schedule

• Waiter: 15% to 18% of the bill pre-tax; 25% for extraordinary service
• Wine steward: 15% of wine bill
• Bartender: 10% – 15% of bar bill
• Coat check: $1.00 per coat
• Car attendant: $1.00 – $2.00

The amount of tipping should reflect the total price before any coupons, gift certificates, etc.      Just because you got a discount, does not mean that your server discounted the service.     The food and beverages may have been discounted by the restaurant by the means of advertising to introduce you to the restaurant’s menu and services.    However, the coupon/discount is no way saying, the service is also discounted.    One thing people should know is that when they are dining with a large party and there is an automatic gratuity, and it’s normally posted on the menu or on a sign somewhere in the restaurant; that the gratuity will be based on the entire bill, pre-tax on large parties of 8 or more.

 

Realistically, people just use their best judgment based upon the kind of service they receive.     They should ask themselves – was the waiter prompt with the service, refills on drinks, menu knowledge, extra care, etc.  And how about the waiter/server having to put up with your screaming toddler or entourage with a golden smile?   That in itself is a special service when a waiter/server can entertain your child in a public establishment.   When my daughter, Sydney was two, we enjoyed going to this particular Applebee’s Restaurant in Sugar Land, Texas because there was a funny waitress named Shanda that always paid attention and special care to my toddler who was experiencing the terrible twos.     At every Applebee’s visit for Sydney and I; it was fine dining and temporary sanity with my toddler. 

 

By the way, even if the owner of the restaurant serves you himself, you should still tip him. He will divide the tip among those who work in the kitchen and dining room.  I am not saying this is always the case, but for the most part, within my realm of experience.

 

I hated being a server/waitress, trying to make ends meet many years ago, and when  I dine out now, I have a greater appreciation of the service being provided in that establishment.  When the service rendered is satisfactory and beyond, I never forget to show my gratitude.  And neither should you.